The Clean Code Blog

by Robert C. Martin (Uncle Bob)

Sierra Juliet Foxtrot

26 September 2017

Thanks to John Sonmez for the title.

Clean Architecture is on the stands! The response has been terriffic. Thanks for all your support.

But just you wait until the SJFs read the chapter on Frameworks. OMG! Their poor little snowflake hearts will just melt away. I mean, I actually had the chicharrones – the horchata – to use a (gasp) relationship metaphor! I mean, this is far worse than the offense that caused Doug Crockford to be disinvited from Nodevember!

Speaking of Doug Crockford and Nodevember, why do you think he was disinvited? I mean, Nodevember had offered him the keynote slot last year; and then suddenly revoked it under the banner of making the conference more comfortable for all. Could it be that the SJFs skulked around the dark corners of the net and tweeted him down? Oh, yes, I think it could be. I mean, my god, the man had used the word “sangrita”! (or was it “quesadilla”?)

Skulking. Yeah, that’s the S in SJF. Little skulkers who slither and slime around the net whispering innuendoes and lies onto people’s screens – making them nervous – making them fear – calling into question their political correctness and their social standing. Making them wonder who might be saying what about them – and when.

You wouldn’t think anything quite so juvenile (yes, that’s the J in SJF) would actually scare someone – but it does. Oh yes! It works because cowards abound. The cowards at Nodevember disinvited Crockford because he dared clench his bicep for 500ms during a talk, and some SJF was (gasp) offended.

Oh, and he might have used the word “ranchero” too!

It was too much for the SJFs to tolerate, so they tweeted their nasty little keystrokes and scared the Nodevember organizers shitless. One of the little SJFs actually threatened to (gasp) not speak at any conference where Crockford spoke. (I’ve actually had a few SJFs make the same threat about me. So far I haven’t noticed any dearth in invitations.)

The SJF methods are fascist in nature. (Yes, that’s the F in SJF). They won’t confront you if you offend them. Oh no. They have no need to talk, debate, or try to come to an understanding. They understand already! So, instead of talking to you about it, they’ll send their slimy little tweets to people who might employ or hire you. They’ll demand to know the nature of the relationship those employers have with you.

The implications are clear. You are a pariah, and all employers, supporters, friends, and everyone else, must immediately declare their distance from you or suffer the – consequences. (OH God, NO! Not – THE CONSEQUENCES! Brrrrr.)

And so, with one exception that I know of, the dirtly little cowards at Nodevember quacked (yes, that’s the right word) in their boots, filled their pants, and then publicly shamed a good man who had contributed much to their community; and who had harmed no one. (Except that he might have used the word “camarones”.)

By that action, the organizers of Nodevember became SJF meat. The SJFs ate them for lunch. And then the SJFs turned their pestilential little keyboards towards another target – and another – and another. Relentlessly pursuing their twisted and perverse agenda for what they call “social justice”. Two words that they have no right to use, because their methods are both anti-social and unjust.

Illumination is the SJF cure.

If you happen to come accross the slime trail of an SJF, shine a light on it. If you read a tweet that appears to be a skulking juvenile fascist innuendo, send that tweet to the target of the innuendo, so that they know about it.

For example, if you see a tweet something like: “I didn’t think I could have less respect for Bill Davis; but here I am.” Send that tweet to Bill Davis directly, and include the name of the original tweeter. I’m sure Bill Davis might like to respond.

If we shine enough light on the SJFs, perhaps they will see just how anti-social and unjust their ways have become. Perhaps they will begin to use more honorable methods to pursue the more reasonable points in their agenda.

And then, perhaps, that “F” can be changed back to What is Was.